So much shit going on…

A word of note;  This post has graphic content NSFW, or Kids, or people who are easily upset by dog injuries.  

I have a lot going on, and i’m trying to balance it all, but i don’t know where to start.  I haven’t looked at my old list in awhile.  I ended up making a new list.  But i think the old one was way more solid.

Where do i begin?  My wants are high but my needs are little.  So i’m broke a lot.  I pretty much have the things i asked for. A dog and a boy so yay!  Both are more expensive than i thought they would be.  Paying for our needs costs a lot. Paying for our wants is also not the best.

I find myself not doing all the things i was doing before because i feel like i don’t have time.  And when i have the time i don’t have the money. That’s why i make these lists.  I want to buy a house, i’ve been talking about it for 2 years now, i keep trying to save $15,000.  It is not as easy as i would have hoped.  Maybe i’m just bad with money.  Maybe i’m to big of an impulse buyer.  Maybe i just bend to peer pressure to easily.

I think i’m in denial about how bad i am at budgeting.   Because of peer pressure i went to lending tree and filled out their form.  That was 2 weeks ago.  My phone hasn’t stopped ringing.  I feel like i’m being stalked when i know i can’t afford a home right now.  They call me ALL day long.  ALL DAMN DAY.  One my drive to work, at work and on my way home.  Eventually i answered.  I had a very nice talk with a fine gentleman who had no idea what i did for a living but was impressed with my credit.

So, I applied for preapproval for a home.  I was preapproved for 250,000.  Unfortunately that’s not really high enough for this area.  Or the area i would like to live in.  My monthly bills are tooo high, but they would be willing to work with me if i have just $7,000 to spare.  I could beg borrow and steal for it.  I’m going to get a very nice tax return, hell my boyfriend would help me pay for it.  But i’m not so sure….

I don’t have the money for closing costs realistically.

i need to buy the dog more steroids (to treat his IMHA)

I need a new mattress.

I’d like a PS4.

i’d like to buy my friends birthday gifts coming up.

i like eating breakfast made by someone else.

A monthly payment for a house that’s $250,000 is 1600 a month.  I would like renters, but if i do this with the bare minimum of what i have i won’t be able to furnish my home for a fucking year.  I need roommates how don’t drink.  I need roommates who like dogs.  I need to not feel like i’m biting off more than i can chew with this.

The lovely gentleman on the phone he almost had me.  The only two things he needed from me were my last 2 w-2’s annnnnnd?  and my last 2 bank account statements.  I knew immediately that i couldn’t take someone else looking at the disaster that was my financial life without me sitting next to them explaining why i spend $300 at Costco every month.  What i’m buying on steam and amazon.  why i’m spending at the gas station every morning. If i spent all this money at Costco why am i still going to the grocery store once or twice a week.  I just felt like i wasn’t ready for anyone to see that.

I stopped listening to him thinking about all the things i’m going to have to give up before i have a bank statement that doesn’t embarrass me.  A bank statement that never goes under a certain amount.  I’m sad.  I busted my ass to get a job so i could have nice things.  I need to give up a lot of the nice things i want to enjoy in order to get this bank statement to where i’m willing to share it with a mortgage company.  It may take 2 months.  It may take 2 years.  My first change?  i love writing reviews for yelp and trying new foods.  No more of that.  I have to increase the amount of money going into savings.  I need my bf to give me some financial aid when it comes to buying food/house supplies. However i can’t really control what he does so i guess that’s more like a want and not a need. No more getting lunch at work.  No sodas, no juice, no money spent at the work cafe during the work week.  When i make my dinner and have leftovers it better be food i’m willing to eat every day until it’s gone or spoiled.  Thank you crock pot and crock pot recipes.

My next change, no more video game purchases.  Not even on steam. No free ones from Play Station Plus either.  My PS3 is almost out of memory.  I’ve got to play the games i have to completion and leave it a that until they are all gone.

No more conventions.  I had a dream that i would outfit my current rental with awesome items from small convention vendors.  I have tickets for 2 to MAG fest, but this means no brony con and no otakon, and no Sakura Matsuri unless i’m volunteering.

No more cool pens.  I’m famous at work for collecting pens.  i’ll have to rely on the ones provided on my company.

I need to start driving uber more religiously.

I need to take the ebay store seriously.

No more financial assistance for little lost dogs.  Oh i didn’t tell you?  Onyx has fucked up…

20151229_233107Royally.  Over some treats…. Shitty treats… Fuck those treats.

They can’t keep her now.  She officially needs to be in a home with no other dogs. So we’re trying to find her a new forever home.  They love her, they know she can be a great dog.  But she’s too treat aggressive.  My poor nephew.  But i can’t donate money to that cause if i want to buy a home.  I will put tons of time into finding her a new home, but that’s another post.  And then there’s Oso.20151229_225829_resizedThis poor effing dog…

I couldn’t BRIBE WARL to take him, neuter him, or even be nice to me.  This isn’t my dog don’t treat me like i’m abandoning him.  Also, i love animals.  It makes me feel like a shallow son of a bitch,  but when they told me not so politely to Fuck off again, and mentioned the reason they had no space for any found strays was because they just rescued 12 dogs from Korea i almost shat myself.  I said maybe we can all donate money for your future endeavors in dog rescue, aside from WARL who else can we support?  And i quote”We rescue from various shelters around the world. Just two weeks ago we rescued 12 dogs from a meat farm in Korea”.  now don’t get me wrong, a meat farm in Korea is fucked up.  But those 12 dogs from Korea sounds great for publicity bad for Onyx now Raven and bad for Oso.  Once again, i’m getting away from the topic at hand.  That’s not the point.  The point is that i can no longer send them treats and adoption stuff to try and help them with this dog 😦 All i can donate is time.

Back on target: No more concerts, half my wardrobe is band t-shirts.  I have tickets for 3 concerts coming up.  I can’t by schwag at any of them.

I feel like i sound like a spoiled brat.  I’m not complaining mind you.  I’m cutting back to achieve a life goal.  I’m not in my 20’s nemore.  I don’t get play money if i want to pay all my bills on time and own a home.  Isn’t it funny?  Now that i can afford to do all the awesome things i’ve always dreamed about doing…. i can’t afford to do all the awesome things i’ve always dreamed about doing.

I need to study for my certs.  I’ve been saying that for as long as i’ve been on here.  Last summer was the closest i’ve ever been to completing a tutoring program.  Every day, every week that i haven’t completed that cert i’m fucking my life over.  All i’m doing is watching doors open for other people.  Other equals.  I’ve got to put the time in.  Something like that alone could put me in a position to be ready right now.  It’s what i’ve been waiting for.  Maybe it’s been my excuse.

I’m on it.  I’m on all these things i swear.  I’m going to succeed.  I know what to take away.  I’m just not sure how i’m going to mentally adjust.  But it’s worth the sacrifice you know?

I don’t want to be in fear of my landlord not liking me and kicking me out, just cause.

I don’t want to have to worry about being the bad roommate.

I want to be able to make the rules.

I want to have a fenced in yard.

I want my friends to come visit my house.

I want control.

I want to be able to pay this bill without worrying about my next meal.

I’m tired of being trigger shy.

What would Pennsylvania do?

Huh, ehhhh, maybe not a good example.  But it explains a lot…

So what would Sundance do?


Fuck it



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