Blogging is hard

Yello everybody!  le sigh i know, i have not been here in quite some time, my apologies.  Blogging is hard, or rather blogging isn’t hard, but like everything, it requires energy and that most precious of resources, – time.  I always seem to feel like i have no time or i feel like i’m super exhausted and all i want to do is sit and watch tv, or play vid games.  getting old sucks, but i haven’t forgotten this and its purpose, even  if it’s just personal for me atm. 

i’m getting ready to go on work travel, and i am shockingly nervous.  Normally i love to travel, especially for work, but right now i am so anxious.  At first i thought this feeling was because i felt some terrible kind of foreboding, like people who get on doomed flights, or die in unexplained ways when they go out of town.  I’ve been listening to a lot of armchair detective podcasts lately so that didn’t seem so out of order, fear off something happening when i’m out of town is new for me.  Then i thought about it, i love flying i love going to new places, maybe i just didn’t want to leave my dog and boyfriend, but i am only going to be gone a week, Monday to friday, it shouldn’t be so bad, i’ve done this before and i didn’t feel panicky, no attacks.  Even when he was going through really rough patches with drinking and the dog was sick, i didn’t have any worries. I felt ok leaving them excited to come back.  I knew we would talk every day and they would be ok.  But right now?  I feel a panic attack coming on. But why?

i worked late friday night and i figured it out: it’s work.  i’m overwhelmed and stuff is piling up on my desk.  I have never NEVER gone away from my day job leaving anything undone and this is the first time i wasn’t able to clear my desk before leaving for a week.  Don’t get me wrong when i’m at work, i work, and work HARD, but… It’s actually terrifying.  I don’t want to get in trouble for not finishing anything, i don’t want anything to expire on my desk.  i’m panicking because i’m afraid of losing my job, and i have never been this far behind in my life.  I worked late on friday night and early on Saturday and i wasn’t even able to make a dent in my pile of paperwork.  This thing is literally a foot high.  I’ve asked for help but none seems coming, and i’m just exhausted.  There is no patience right now and it’s taking its toll on me.  I want to travel, but i feel like i’m hurting myself by doing so.  I hope there is some understanding there.  The problem is everything starts with me.  I hope they realize what it means to have me agree to go out of town, even for a week.  I just need some reassurances right now.  ugh, i’m trying to relax and enjoy my weekend but i just want to get this crap moving and off my desk.  And enjoy my trip.  No anxiety, just work and exploring Texas. This is the worst time to be doing this.  The planning/timing of this definitely leaves something to be desired.  Let’s hope everything works out ok.

On a lighter note, this gives me a chance to dump out all of the pictures on my phone so i can take new pictures of all the sights!  i’m am kind of excited about that.  Look 2014 Sundance~! 

So cute! LOL (a little arrogant, ne?)

i do feel a little bit better getting that out.  And now the list thus far

  1. Do my hair*
  2. Fundraise for my dogs vet bills (please click here to donate love and moneys~!    Oh yeah this is complete~!  Thank you to all my friends and family who helped!
  3. Train my dog to stop whining (also known as communicate better with my animal)*  He’s a doberman ain’t never gonna happen see this video https://youtu.be/cB9pVJ3mYcE not my dog but clearly a doberman thing
  4. Pay all my bills * The car is paid off, the credit car is paid off, now it’s just student loans!
  5. Get my A+
  6. Cook dinner every night*
  7. Mix drinks at home instead of buying beer  I quit drinking, that’s a long story for another post
  8. Read all the books *
  9. Watch one dvd on my Netflix every night
  10. Keep loosing weight 
  11. Do my laundry *
  12. Clean my room *
  13. Get my own pimptastic camera
  14. Learn how to use my friends camera*
  15. Get my degree in anthropology
  16. Learn how to act*
  17. Work on my documentary *
  18. Buy a house

I guess you’ll notice that some things have changed, been removed been updated, but things are going well thus far.  Let’s hope i can keep moving up and that my job continues to go well.  More updates to follow, maybe i’ll do this in texas while missing my boyfriend and puppy, but for now here’s your moment of why i left PA

http://www.philly.com/philly/sports/flyers/nhl-playoffs-flyers-penguins-disappointing-loss-20180422.html 

My poor babies, maybe the caps will get revenge for you.  

Clearly Sundance doesn’t care :p

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