Blogging is hard

Yello everybody!  le sigh i know, i have not been here in quite some time, my apologies.  Blogging is hard, or rather blogging isn’t hard, but like everything, it requires energy and that most precious of resources, – time.  I always seem to feel like i have no time or i feel like i’m super exhausted and all i want to do is sit and watch tv, or play vid games.  getting old sucks, but i haven’t forgotten this and its purpose, even  if it’s just personal for me atm. 

i’m getting ready to go on work travel, and i am shockingly nervous.  Normally i love to travel, especially for work, but right now i am so anxious.  At first i thought this feeling was because i felt some terrible kind of foreboding, like people who get on doomed flights, or die in unexplained ways when they go out of town.  I’ve been listening to a lot of armchair detective podcasts lately so that didn’t seem so out of order, fear off something happening when i’m out of town is new for me.  Then i thought about it, i love flying i love going to new places, maybe i just didn’t want to leave my dog and boyfriend, but i am only going to be gone a week, Monday to friday, it shouldn’t be so bad, i’ve done this before and i didn’t feel panicky, no attacks.  Even when he was going through really rough patches with drinking and the dog was sick, i didn’t have any worries. I felt ok leaving them excited to come back.  I knew we would talk every day and they would be ok.  But right now?  I feel a panic attack coming on. But why?

i worked late friday night and i figured it out: it’s work.  i’m overwhelmed and stuff is piling up on my desk.  I have never NEVER gone away from my day job leaving anything undone and this is the first time i wasn’t able to clear my desk before leaving for a week.  Don’t get me wrong when i’m at work, i work, and work HARD, but… It’s actually terrifying.  I don’t want to get in trouble for not finishing anything, i don’t want anything to expire on my desk.  i’m panicking because i’m afraid of losing my job, and i have never been this far behind in my life.  I worked late on friday night and early on Saturday and i wasn’t even able to make a dent in my pile of paperwork.  This thing is literally a foot high.  I’ve asked for help but none seems coming, and i’m just exhausted.  There is no patience right now and it’s taking its toll on me.  I want to travel, but i feel like i’m hurting myself by doing so.  I hope there is some understanding there.  The problem is everything starts with me.  I hope they realize what it means to have me agree to go out of town, even for a week.  I just need some reassurances right now.  ugh, i’m trying to relax and enjoy my weekend but i just want to get this crap moving and off my desk.  And enjoy my trip.  No anxiety, just work and exploring Texas. This is the worst time to be doing this.  The planning/timing of this definitely leaves something to be desired.  Let’s hope everything works out ok.

On a lighter note, this gives me a chance to dump out all of the pictures on my phone so i can take new pictures of all the sights!  i’m am kind of excited about that.  Look 2014 Sundance~! 

So cute! LOL (a little arrogant, ne?)

i do feel a little bit better getting that out.  And now the list thus far

  1. Do my hair*
  2. Fundraise for my dogs vet bills (please click here to donate love and moneys~!    Oh yeah this is complete~!  Thank you to all my friends and family who helped!
  3. Train my dog to stop whining (also known as communicate better with my animal)*  He’s a doberman ain’t never gonna happen see this video not my dog but clearly a doberman thing
  4. Pay all my bills * The car is paid off, the credit car is paid off, now it’s just student loans!
  5. Get my A+
  6. Cook dinner every night*
  7. Mix drinks at home instead of buying beer  I quit drinking, that’s a long story for another post
  8. Read all the books *
  9. Watch one dvd on my Netflix every night
  10. Keep loosing weight 
  11. Do my laundry *
  12. Clean my room *
  13. Get my own pimptastic camera
  14. Learn how to use my friends camera*
  15. Get my degree in anthropology
  16. Learn how to act*
  17. Work on my documentary *
  18. Buy a house

I guess you’ll notice that some things have changed, been removed been updated, but things are going well thus far.  Let’s hope i can keep moving up and that my job continues to go well.  More updates to follow, maybe i’ll do this in texas while missing my boyfriend and puppy, but for now here’s your moment of why i left PA 

My poor babies, maybe the caps will get revenge for you.  

Clearly Sundance doesn’t care :p


So Onyx now Raven needs a new home :(

So As i mentioned before “Onyx now Raven”, and Cesar got into a fight over some treats.  It makes me really sad and upset.  She was doing so well, and improving so much from that state she was in from whence she came.  However, the foster failure parents now know for sure she can’t stay with them forever.  She is back to being a regular foster.  I had them write a bio for me and it’s below;

Onyx now Raven

Hello! This is Raven.

Raven is a 2.5 yr old Pit Mix. She is an extremely loving cuddle bug.

Raven has not had the best start to life but she is improving every day and is looking for a home all to herself, filled with love and patience. She came from a home that taught her she needs to guard items and be unsure if she was going to eat that day or not. Raven needs to be the only animal in the house. She is very skittish and unsure of everything around her. She acts like she was abused early on and is scared of brooms, loud noises, and a few other miscellaneous plain items. She is even unsure when people are laughing, dancing, or rough housing. She gets protective of women.

Raven is very allergic to grains but is okay on Costco’s Kirkland grain free and Authority from Petco.

 Raven needs constant training and patience. However, she knows how to sit, ask, wait and sit pretty.

Raven would be a great companion on hikes, bike rides and runs. However, until she has bonded I would keep her on the leash while out 90% of the time.

Raven’s bark may seem like she is a ferocious beast, but all she wants to do is sit in your lap and have your undivided attention.

Raven has lived with other animals but should not. She has never attacked a cat but she is curious about them and will chase them for a second.

So, if you have a stable, serene, patient and loving house then please consider adopting Raven as your fury, four legged companion.

  If you are interested or would like more information please Contact me:


Do you think this is a good BIO for a dog who needs a home?  i may retool it a bit, but i’m going to start out by seeing where i can post her info.  When i google pitbull rescue this is what i get it doesn’t make me feel confident about Onyx now Raven’s future.  I clicked the links the sent me to and wound up having them recommend that we try and get her posted on adopt-a-pet and pet finder.  Neither of which you can post on unless you are a registered rescue or shelter.  However at least pet finder sent me some links so i can try and get her into a shelter.  I’m e-mailing right now to see if they will take her. >.< hope is low.  Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.



Is it me?

I’m starting to feel abandonded… it’s like there are so many people out there that i haven’t talked to in forever, and they don’t reach out to me.  Is it me?

I have to  admit i’ve snubbed people, people who were doing things that were obviously “wrong”.  People who the group believed to be Immature, or just well bad.  i used to think i was so loyal, but i’ve abandonded people.  I thought i was doing what was best for everyone.  So why am i alone?

I made it clear i didn’t want to be around the bad influences nemore.  I was cheered on and people stood by me, but those people seem to have dissapeared.  It seems as though the people i’ve snubbed or the people i’ve abandonded are more fun, or more better and others want to be around them.  No one calls me any more.    Some people can blame it on the distance.  Some people can blame it on the dog.

In a world where everyone is connected even without the regular social media that most peple have to connect me, i know what’s going on.  Even i can’t live in a vacuum of ignorance for other people.  But i still feel alone.  So i’m wondering if all these people who i ditched for drugs, questionable decisions, drama, emotional abuse, booze benders, are hanging out and being happy with the people who told me it was right for me to leave, and supported my snobby decision.

Is it me?

Is it normal to leave behind so much?

When you look at people who have been married and divorced 4 or more times, doesn’t the thought cross your mind… what’s wrong with that person?  At a cerrtain point its not the spouse it’s you.

Does the same thing work with non-romantic relationships?

Is it me?

Am i like Onyx now Raven?

Onyx now Raven was doing so well, but now she’s struggling.

My boyfriend and Nina’s boyfriend believe that it’s only a matter of time.  She can’t be uptight forever.  I’m not so sure,  i hope she can stay with them, however i’m concerend that they may have enough pets without her there.  She needs a lot of attention and that makes owning her hard with other pets.  I think they can do it.  I hope they can do it.  She just seems so happy there.  I’m sure she thinks we’re all nuts though, she’s just being a dog.

At least she’s still not humping pillows…


“get it out of my house” he says

But she’s not eating well…


They say cuddling, i say a little bit of Dom cuddling…

They are working on bed and spot.  She gets it but is stillpushy and needy. Le sigh…

Well if there’s hope for PA i guess there’s hope for all of us?

Until next time.

P.S. Nolan’s first birthday party was awesome 😉

A response from a rescue…

This is the response i received from the rescue that i sent the e-mail i posted yesterday; “Good morning,

You would take him to The Washington Humane Society on New York Ave. They will take care of having him neutered and placed up for adoption. The cost would be on the shelter and not you. Since you can’t afford to care for him, this will be the best option for everyone involved.

Thank you for caring for him thus far, and I hope this information helps.”

Am i wrong to be underwhelmed with this answer?



 “Especially since two dudes just dropped me and my  mom off one day and you didn’t send me to New York avenue…”

i mean, i’m not asking them to take the dog, i’m asking for a low cost spay and neuter appointment…. out of curiosity i asked if they were a no kill shelter.

Now i have volunteered in the past so i really appreciated this blog post however, i have a dog  i do not want to die, but cannot keep because i did the right thing and adopted my dog, whom i care for to the best of my ability, and will do so until the end of his days, but he is expensive and not dog friendly.  I also rent so i can not have 2 dogs. I am trying to find Oso a new home, or a shelter that will take him, because his original owners did the wrong thing.  so how do i find about his odds of life in these two shelters?  I ask simply “is your shelter ‘no-kill’?” Am i wrong to ask this?




Finally! Onyx now Raven

Onyx has been adopted by my high school friend from Philadelphia, Nina.  Yay!  She now lives with 2 cats and has an older brother Cesar.  They are getting along great!  all those issues she left Baltimore with seem to have disappeared.  No more humping pillows, no more fear based acting out every things is all good for the little princess.  She Even has a new name to go along with her wonderful new life “Raven”.  Nina was originally just going ot try and foster her while we kept trying to get her into a shelter, but she is now a foster failure and her family is complete (until babies that is), i’m glad that she and joe were able to do so good by this dog, it’s been a couple of months now and Raven is doing great!


(seen here being spoiled by Auntie A~)


it helps that they like 2 different types of toys, so they don’t have anything to fight over.  It also cracks me up that i escaped from PA only to send Onyx there to live a happy life.  Irony?  maybe PA isn’t so bad after all…

Nope. Never mind.  Good for just doggies maybe.

20151010_124826.jpg.jpegCan you even tell the adorableness apart?



Trying to save another life

Inline image 1

This pitbull is almost 2 years old and she is a really sweet girl.  She is good with some dogs and older kids,  She lives with a cat currently.

Inline image 2

Now here is the sad part.  Her owner is trying to get rid of her.  She got the pitbull when she was 6 months old with her boyfriend and she and her boyfriend broke up.  He lives in a non pet friendly apartment and wants nothing to do with his ex.  She has realized that she cannot financially take care of the dog’s needs any longer and doesn’t really want to keep her.  Since the breakup Onyx(the pup) has developed behavioral issues.  Fear of loud arguing, pillow humping, and fear of men in hats.  She has gotten better with some guidance from me but she and my dog cannot live together.  Her current owner is unwilling to work on training for her and i live an hour away.  I would like to try and get her out of the house she’s in before she’s got too many issues.  She’s not currently being excercised well and i’m paying for her food and treats.  (I’m friends with her owners roommate, who works crazy hours and also cannot afford to take care of the dog himself)

Inline image 3

Is there anyone out there who is interested in adopting a pup? Is there anyway you can help me find a new home for this poor girl?  Any rescues taking in doggies?  I was able to convince her owner to keep her for the interim and not just drop her off at the pound.  Anything you can do to help or even if you can just refer me to some place that is no kill that i can take her, i would really appreciate it.  Thanks for anything anyone can do to help.

The best laid plans of dogs and women



You know I began this blog with the intent of showing why I left Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and never returned.  Some of those reasons you can see here and here.  As my life turns out to be much more interesting then lamenting the destruction of my home city by my home state, I haven’t really posted much about it.  Basically, I’ve been focused on my dog.   I posted once about my beginning life in the world of dogs, but I doubt anyone has read it yet.  I intend to submit it to the bark by January 24th in the hopes to raise awareness of my cause, but also in hopes to get practice writing for documentary funding.  Actually it’s mostly because i love that magazine and would like to contribute.  Don’t get me wrong I’m not a crazy dog lady, but to say that I have my hands in a bunch of pots maybe an understatement.  I’m working on many things right now, and I need you dear reader to help me keep my mind on the prizes and get all of this shite done.  It’ll be hard for me as I am a recluse who loves the privacy of the internet more than anyone, and takes criticism only slightly well, but I am breaking free of that.  Kind of, I’m trying to find some middle ground between being a recluse and completing my goals. So here they are in order of what should be easiest to what should be hardest and most time consuming, but I will probably not do them in that order.  I could actually make a blog post about each and every one of these things… actually, I think I shall.  There ain’t no list like an internet list right?  Maybe if I post about them and explain why they are so difficult for me to complete it’ll help people understand more about.. I don’t know things.  Leave me alone sometimes I’m lazy.   I guess the best way for me to describe myself right now is that I am a consumer who wants to be a producer without forgetting what it was like to consume.  Ok stop rambling here’s my list;

  1. Do my hair
  2. Fund raise for my dogs vet bills (please click here to donate love and moneys~! &
  3. Train my dog to stop whining (also known as communicate better with my animal)
  4. Take my dog back to obedience class
  5. Pay all my bills
  6. Get my A+
  7. Cook dinner every night
  8. Mix drinks at home instead of buying beer
  9. Become a regular at a bar that’s not failing
  10. Read all the books
  11. Watch one dvd on my Netflix everynight
  12. Go to the doctor to get my things fixed
  13. Do my laundry
  14. Clean my room
  15. Get my own pimptastic camera
  16. Learn how to use my friends camera
  17. Get my degree in anthropology
  18. Learn how to act
  19. Do agility with my dog
  20. Get a canine good citizenship award for my dog
  21. Teach my dog to do search and rescue
  22. Work on my documentary

Wow that’s a lot and I’m not even done yet… let’s see if I can get any of these done within the next week and tell you how it goes.  I’ll try doing the first thing on this list tonight, and let you know how it goes by at least next week.  And next week I’ll update the list hopefully removing completed tasks or at least checking things off as started.  I’ll try to keep it under 22 items for now.  For now, let me leave you with this nugget of truth that keeps me from moving back to Pennsylvania: Please tell me this is a joke…